In any occupation discipline is more important than talent.

[marusya]

To achieve the success you must to have a good discipline or a big talent. It will be greatful if you have both, but it is quite rare. Many people think that in any occupation discipline is more important than talent. I want to offer my personal opinion about it.
I absolutely agree with these people because discipline helps people to do their work more perfectly. Firstly, discipline makes people work hard. Due to their results and their achievements are more quality. Also disciplined people will to do their work despite they are tired and they have no more energy. So their work in result is more perfectly! In my view, in any occupation people need to apply many efforts to succeed.
On the other hand some people think that talent is more important than discipline. There is some truth because in some occupation without talent people won't achieve the succes even if they will apply many and many efforts. For example, actors can become successful and popular person only due to a talent.
But despite that above my opinion stand firmly and I don't agree with people who believe that talent is more important because talent is only a small part on the way to success. It is confirmed id words 'Not sweet without sweat".
In conclusion I would to say that discipline have more positive hands and even if person hasn't a talent, discipline helps to develop it!

[English Guru]

240 слов, сочинение слишком большое. Чем меньше пишем, тем меньше ошибок. Рекомендуется 200 слов.

Лексика и грамматика:

To achieve the success

to achieve success - без артикля

Many people think that in any occupation discipline is more important than talent.

тема не переформулирована, а просто списана!

I want to offer my personal opinion

Наш opinion мы обычно не offer, а express :D

Due to their results and their achievements are more quality.

Ваш набор лексики препятствует пониманию предложения, переведите, что вы хотите сказать?

disciplined people will to do their work

will do

So their work in result is more perfectly!

тоже не понимаю предложения.
Возможно, As the result, their work is done more perfectly. ИЛИ As the result, their work is more perfect. Более совершенная?

On the other hand some people think

Запятая: On the other hand, some ...

won't

Сокращать нельзя, will not

people won't achieve the succes even if they will apply many and many efforts.

even if, if, as soon as, unless + Present Simple. Следовательно, ... if they apply many ...

actors can become successful and popular person

persons, по логике

But despite that above my opinion stand firmly and I don't agree with people

Необходмо перефразивать, набор слов!
Например, Despite my above-mentioned opinion, I am firmly convinced that ...

It is confirmed id words

in

In conclusion I would to say that

I would say

discipline have more positive hands

has. More positive hands? Что это?

hasn't a talent,

Не сокращать, писать либо has got no talent, либо does not have a talent.

Структура:

Проверяем:

1 абзац — вступление. Есть! Перефразирования нет!
2 абзац — свое мнение. 2-3 аргумента. Есть!
3 абзац — противоположное мнение. 1-2 контраргумента Есть!
4 абзац — почему не согласны. Средненько..., лучше добавить еще 1 аргумент.
5 абзац — повторение своей точки зрения. Средненько ... проверяющий не очень понял вашу концовку (лексика препятствует пониманию эссе).

Повторите структуру эссе: http://englishgu.ru/struktura-opinion-essay-ege-c2/ Еще там видео есть.

[marusya]

Due to their results and their achievements are more quality. хотела сказать, что благодаря ЭТОМУ их результаты и достижения более качественные.

So their work in result is more perfectly!
тоже не понимаю предложения.
Возможно, As the result, their work is done more perfectly. ИЛИ As the result, their work is more perfect. Более совершенная? - всее именно так...

has. More positive hands? Что это? - имеет больше положительных сторон

[English Guru]

Due to their results and their achievements are more quality. хотела сказать, что благодаря ЭТОМУ их результаты и достижения более качественные.

Если ЭТОМУ, то где местоимение IT? Due to it their results and their achievements are more qualitative. Звучит странно, но это максимум, что я могу выжать из Вашего предложения. quality - существительное, а не прилагательное.

имеет больше положительных сторон

тогда discipline has more positive sides

Аффтор, пешите исчо на другие темы! Буду ждать и смотреть на Ваш прогресс!

[vladtheimpaler]

Talent is great, but discipline could be a bit boring. Which of those kinds a person should have to become successful?

In my opinion, talent is just nothing without discipline. Firstly, people used to think that talent is the something in humans’ genes which can provide a personal jet, diamonds, luxurious cars, and big houses. This is a lie because only a person can earn all this stuff using a talent. Besides, talent could become rotten without developing; only permanent trainings and exacting lessons are able to make talent to work. Additionally, discipline could give a wide-range of skills which are necessary in a life, while talent does not teach anything.

On the other hand, millions of people are convinced that learning discipline is just a waste of time, efforts, and money. They believe that success depends on talent. Also, they try to substantiate their opinion giving examples of the famous artists.

I cannot agree with these people, how could Beethoven compose his music without skills in reading and writing notes? How could Van Gogh paint his paintings without being aware of technique? Of course there are geniuses exists but an average person is obliged to learn a lot not relying on talent.

In conclusion, people used to say “no sweet without sweat” and this is totally right. A person cannot be successful if he or she is none disciplined.

[English Guru]

Which of those kinds

Можно ли назвать "talent" и "discipline" kinds? Если мы говорим о характере, то лучше traits или features.

This is a lie because only a person can earn all

Порядок слов, если я правильно понял, лучше This is a lie because a person can only earn ...
Только человек .... ? ИЛИ Только заработать ... ?

using a talent. Besides, talent

Используйте артикли единообразно. Если в теме эссе он не стоит, то и не ставьте.

lessons are able to make talent to work

Make, let - "to" нет! (рифма случайна , to используется в пассивном залоге).
make talent work

are necessary in a life

in life - используем без артикля, так как слово life используется обычно как неисчисляемое: http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/life

Of course there are geniuses exists

Грамматическая ошибка. Вы уж определитесь: либо Of course, there are geniuses ... , либо Of course, there exist geniuses ...

Of course there

Of course - вводное слово, поэтому поставьте запятую.

is none disciplined

Не слышал такого. Just to be on the safe side, как говориться, пишите is not disciplined

- 1 балл за грамматику (артикли, частицы, порядок слов и др.)

Резюме: очень достойная работа, 13/14

[3696352P]

Some people believe that highly disciplined individuals succeed in business better than talented ones. However, others argue that natural aptitude a person possesses is more significant in life.
In my opinion, self-control leads to a more effective way for people to achieve their goals. Firstly, disciplined people are hard-working. As a result, self-discipline keeps them employed that gives stability in life and success in career. Secondly, self-control actually contributes to happiness as feeling good rather than bad may be a core benefit of having good self-control, and being well satisfied with life is an important consequence.
However, there are people who claim that God-given talent opens people wide doors for prosperity. In their view, gifted people get more success in life than disciplined.
I disagree with this view, because even if someone has talent they still have to work very hard if they want to be successful. Moreover, some people who have no natural talent may even be outstanding if they are highly disciplined. In addition, without discipline, we are like a chariot without a driver and it is dangerous. We can see a lot of wasted talented people everywhere; they lost their gifts because of lack of efforts to work or weakness of character.
In conclusion, despite other people's opinion, I still believe that discipline but not a talent is the bridge between goals and accomplishment, it helps to understand the right balance in life and gives you self-satisfaction that is one of the greatest aims in well- being.